मंगलवार, 1 मई 2018

Yes Prime Minister

YES PRIME MINISTER - ONE OF US

June 26th

I couldnt talk to Humphrey about Sir John on Friday. I had appointments all day and so had he. But this morning we had a meeting already pencilled in.

        It was to be about the defence cuts that Im looking for. I decided to have the meeting as planned, and then have a private word with Humphrey afterwards.

        A simple way has emerged of saving three million pounds and the Service Chiefs say it cant be done. Humphrey is backing them, of course, with the argument that any defence savings can be dangerous.

        Anyway, I had to have my private word with Humphrey. I told Bernard that I had to discuss a top secret security matter with Humphrey, and nodded to the door. Would you mind, Bernard?

        He went to the door and, suddenly, threw it open! Then he looked up and down the landing to see if anyone was eavesdropping. I realised he had misunderstood me. So I explained that I wished him to leave us alone.

        He seemed a little crestfallen. I can see why. But he had no choice, and nor do I. I can hardly let Bernard know that Humphrey, of all people, is a security risk at the moment.

        After Bernard left us, probably wondering if hewas considered a security risk all of a sudden, Humphrey and I were left alone. I didnt quite know how to begin, so it was a minute or so before I spoke. Humphrey waited patiently.

        Humphrey, I began eventually, theres something I want to talk about. Something very secret.

        Its something very serious, I replied.

        He assumed an appropriately serious expression. Very serious and very secret?

        I nodded. Humphrey, does the name Sir John ring a bell?

        Of course, Prime Minister. He died only three weeks ago. And he was the subject of a security enquiry ten years ago. I had to conduct it myself, virtually.

        So far so good. I asked Humphrey if hed found evidence of anything incriminating.

        Of course not. He smiled confidently.

        Why of course not? I asked.

        Well, in the first place Sir John was one of us. Wed been friends for years. In the second place the whole story was got up by the press. And in the third place, the whole object of internal security enquiries is to find no evidence.

        Even if the security of the realm is at risk?

        He laughed. Prime Minister, if you really believe the security of the realm is at risk you call in the Special Branch. Government security enquiries are only used for killing press stories. Their sole purpose is to enable the Prime Minister to stand up in the House and say, We have held a full enquiry and there is no evidence to substantiate these charges.

        But suppose you find something suspicious?

        Prime Minister, practically everything that happens in government is suspicious. The fact that you asked Bernard to leave us alone together for a secret conversation could be construed as suspicious.

        This surprised me. But it shouldnt have, hes obviously right. Anyway, Humphrey went on to say that the whole story was nonsense, typical Fleet Street sensationalism.

        He was so confident that it was inevitable that he would feel really stupid when I revealed what I knew. I was beginning to enjoy myself thoroughly.

        There is no possibility, I asked carefully, that Sir John ever passed any information to Moscow?

        Impossible, he asserted. Out of the question.

        Youd stake your reputation on that?

        Without hesitation.

        I went for the kill. Well, Humphrey, Im afraid I have to tell you that he was spying for Russia for a considerable part of his career.

        Humphrey was silenced. But only for a moment. I dont believe it, he said defiantly. Who says so?

        I gave him an apologetic smile. He says so himself. He left all his papers to the government with a detailed confession. MI5 says its absolutely true. It checks out all along the line.

        Humphrey was speechless. This is a sight that Ive never seen before, and I must say I thoroughly enjoyed it. He spluttered a bit, and tried to put together a sentence. Finally he said: But, good Lord, I mean, well, he was One of us? I put in helpfully.

        Well yes. He began to pull himself together. Well, that certainly leaves a lot of questions to be asked.

        Yes, I agreed, and Im asking you the first one. Why didnt you ask him a lot of questions? Humphrey didnt see what I was getting at. Why, Humphrey, did your enquiry exonerate him so quickly?

        I pointed out to Humphrey that it was all very suspicious. I asked why he hadnt held a proper enquiry. After all, according to the TOP SECRET file, Humphrey had been given evidence of Sir John surprisingly long stay in Yugoslavia. And shortly after he left Yugoslavia several of our MI5 agents behind the Iron Curtain were rounded up and never seen again.

        And there was one specific interpreter with whom he spent a lot of time. I asked Humphrey what hed found out about this interpreter.

        She turned out to be a Russian agent. We knew that. Most Yugoslav interpreters are Russian agents. Those who arent in the CIA, that is.

        But you never followed her up.

        I had better things to do with my time, he said defensively.

        I stared at him accusingly. Three months later she moved to England and settled in Oxford, a hundred and fifty yards from Sir John’s house. They were neighbours for the next eleven years.

        Humphrey was completely demoralised. He tried to defend himself. You cant check up on everything. You dont know what you might find out. I mean, if youve got that sort of suspicious mind you ought to Conduct security enquiries. I finished his sentence for him.

        Humphreys defence, in a nutshell, was that Sir John gave him his word. The word of a gentleman. And you dont go checking up on the word of a gentleman, especially when you were at Oxford together.

        I listened patiently. Then I was forced to tell him that I had a problem with him.

        He was horrified. But you dont think you cantthink I mean, I mean, I dont speak a word of Russian.

        But you must admit, I said, that it looks as if it must have been incompetence or collusion. Either way I left the sentence unfinished. The implications were clear enough. Humphrey was dreadfully upset. Collusion? Prime Minister, I give you my word there was no collusion.

        Is that the word of a gentleman? I asked ironically.

        Yes. An Oxford gentleman, he added hastily.

        I wasnt really satisfied. Hows the garden? I asked.

        He relaxed and began to tell me about his roses when he realised the full force of my question. No, no, I beseech you, Prime Minister, not gardening leave!

        Why not?

        I have my reputation to think of.

        I thought youd already staked that on Sir John’s innocence.

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